UPDATED! Cola Inducements

Axl Rose has graciously offered to share his Dr. Pepper with Buckethead. The world feels a little more stable. Quoted below:

"We are surprised and very happy to have the support of Dr. Pepper with our album, 'Chinese Democracy', as for us this came totally out of the blue. If there is any involvement with this promotion by our record company or others, we are unaware of such at this time. And as some of Buckethead's performances are on our album, I'll share my Dr Pepper with him."

Original post below:

It's being reported on CNN, so you know it has to be true.

Dr. Pepper is hoping to entice Guns 'N' Roses frontman Axl Rose to release his new record Chinese Democracy in 2008 by offering every single person in America a can of its soda. Everyone, that is, except for former guitar players Slash and Buckethead. Director of Marketing and Master of Douchebaggery Jaxie Alt had this to say:

"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love," said Jaxie Alt, director of marketing for Dr Pepper. "So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection — for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as 'Dr Pepper for the ears' because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds— an instant classic."

For those of you who decided to stop living in 1992 and join the present, Chinese Democracy has been 17 years in the making. As in actually working on the record for 17 years, not sitting around for 15 years before finally making the record. Word is the record's finished but Rose is looking for more money before releasing it to a public that thought GN'R lost their edge after the bloated monstrosity that was Use Your Illusion I and II.

I don't understand the whole "everyone but Slash and Buckethead" thing. Really, Dr. Pepper? Your high-school exclusionary tactics leave a bad taste in my mouth, much like your sub-par excuse for a refreshing cola drink.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.